• Enter ‘Output Mode’ To Realize Your Vision

    Rupert is inputting seed and outputting popcorn.

    It can sometimes be difficult to know if you’re making progress on your larger goals. Without checkpoints along the way it’s easy to feel as though your effort isn’t yielding results. This is especially true within creative projects. A painter may scrap a dozen attempts at a piece before finally seeing one through to completion, but that doesn’t mean that his work on the dozen scraps was wasted. Perhaps he would have never completed one without all those failed attempts. Maybe it was seeing what didn’t work that steered him toward what finally did. But when in the middle of generating scrap, how can you be sure you’re actually making progress toward the ultimate goal rather than just wasting time in search of inspiration?

    By measuring your efforts in terms of input versus output.

    Infinite Inputs

    We live in a hyper-connected world in which we receive input – willingly or unwillingly – all of the time. How many sources of input do you subject yourself to?

    • News
    • Blogs
    • Books
    • Television
    • Films
    • Music
    • Education
    • Workplace Training

    You’ve almost certainly experienced some of each over the course of your life and you may – here and there – gather input from all of these sources in a single day. It’s easy to see how we come to experience information overload and that’s without considering the infinite cues we receive from our environment almost constantly that effect our behavior on a subconscious level.

    Consider the painter again. He may draw inspiration from any or all of these sources (whether or not he intends to). Exposing himself to these inputs, then, is vital to his ability to generate an output. The question becomes: how much exposure is enough? That is, when does he have enough input to start generating output?

    Levels of Output

    Economists like to measure the productivity of an individual, company or nation by examining the value of output the entity is able to generate from one unit of input. Such analysis is pretty straightforward at this level: if one employee generates $100 worth of output from the use of ten widgets while another employee only generates $80 worth of output from the same number of widgets, the first employee would be considered to be more productive. Couldn’t be simpler.

    However, when it comes to the measurement of progress toward creative goals (or personal development) things get a little trickier. How can a painter identify the inputs that led him to create any given piece? He could surely point to a few, but there would be a great many over time that contribute in subtle, imperceptible ways.

    Go back to the question I led with: amid his constant scrapping of drafts and thoughts, how does the painter know he’s getting anywhere, let alone closer to his vision?

    It’s important for you (and the painter) to consider that output can be more than just finished projects – there are different levels of output along the way to la fin. Consider the process:

    • Painter exposes himself to inputs (seeking inspiration)
    • Painter has a vision for a piece
    • Painter begins sketching, zeroing in on his vision
    • Painter begins drafts, abandoning a dozen
    • Painter completes final piece

    Anything past “painter has a vision” could be considered output. Rough ideas, sketches, drafts. All of this is output, even if it’s not product. Input may even enter throughout this output process, changing the vision and leading to further drafts. Even old output (abandoned sketches and drafts) may eventually become input in future efforts. Considering that this loop could be endless, how are you meant to keep moving forward and finish anything?

    Balancing Input and Output

    Clearly a balance between input and output must be struck – but how are you meant to measure this? It’s not as though you can output (write) a novel for every novel you input (read). There’s no formula for creative productivity and thus it can be easy to justify exposing yourself to even more input as being “work” toward your vision – but this isn’t really the work, is it?

    You can overcome this input trap by blocking your time into “input mode” and “output mode”.

    When in “input mode” you’re allowed to not worry about output (although you should always make notes of any ideas that occur to you, or switch to output mode if inspiration strikes). In this magical state you can read novels, watch films, read the news, cruise your RSS feeds or just sit on the veranda with a cup of coffee and enjoy the view.

    When in “output mode”, though, the rules are stricter. There are no hard and fast expectations for what must be accomplished in terms of finished product at the end of your “output mode” block of time, but you do have to stay focused on output only. For the painter, this is where he locks himself in his studio and considers nothing but the task at hand. To be a painter, after all, we must paint. Maybe he makes three drafts and nothing final, but he’s three drafts closer at the end and that’s nothing to sneeze at.

    Looking at your time in this way will allow you to avoid falling into the input trap and over time you’ll begin to figure out what progress looks like. Eventually you’ll need fewer and fewer drafts or you’ll start to recognize that you’re getting off track earlier in the process. Such insight and skill comes from experience and experience comes from knuckling down and actually doing what it is you want to do.

    Saying to yourself only that you want to accomplish a goal allows you to keep that goal in the magical future where one day inspiration will strike and you’ll pump out the novel you’ve been thinking about for years. Instead, say to yourself that starting now you will set yourself to “output mode” for one hour a day. Over time you will be draft after draft closer and that novel will eventually go from dream to finished product. Wouldn’t that be worth an hour a day?

    So now that you’ve input this blog post, what will you go work toward in “output mode”?


  • ToVa Weekend: Single-Tasking, Grad School, Anxiety

    Rupert is reading The Signal Caller

    This weekend: ditch multitasking in favor of single-tasking and you might just live longer, a few things to ponder before going to graduate school and tricks to help handle anxiety.


    Why Single-Tasking Makes You Smarter (via)

    There has long been an emphasis on being an effective multitasker – go have a look at help wanted ads and you’re bound to see it listed as a desired quality in applicants. However, research reveals that multitasking is not only impossible (your brain can only focus on one thing at time) but that your attempts to pull it off might actually be bad for your health. Taking a step back by giving your brain periodic breaks, focusing on the task at hand and prioritising your to do list will make you more productive in the present and help you maintain a sharp mind into older age.


    Seven Things I Wish I Knew Before Going to Graduate School

    Seeing as I just finished my MBA, this was pretty relevant to my interests. My own experience in Australia was a bit different to what could be expected in the USA but some of the advice on offer here about how to get the most out of your time in grad school is universal. Simply put: you’re not just there to attend lectures and pass exams.


    3 Ways to Deal with In-the-Moment Anxiety (via)

    There is no “off” switch for anxiety but there are ways to be more aware of how your anxiety level is working you over at any given moment. Such awareness is one way to keep anxiety in check, as are tricks to keep you grounded in the present and the knowledge that others are fighting the same battles as you.


    ToVa Rewind:

    A Mountaineer At 30
    How I Spent My 30th…
    Which Shoe Will You Put On First?


    Rupert and I are reading: @TheSignalCaller’s 2014 West Virginia University Football Preview


    Have a great weekend!


  • Which Shoe Will You Put On First?

    Which shoe will you put on first?

    You don’t ask a fussy toddler whether she wants to put her shoes on: you ask which shoe she wants to put on first.

    This quote was cited by Christina Xu as being the best advice she ever received and it’s easy to see why.

    Are we all not the fussy toddler from time to time?

    In life we will frequently encounter things that we just plain don’t feel like doing. Taxes. License renewals. Bill payments. They distract us from the things we’d rather be doing, namely: anything else.

    But these things must be done so really we should stop fussing and ask ourselves:

    Where do we want to start?


  • How I Spent My 30th…


  • A Mountaineer At 30

    A Mountaineer at 30
    A Mountaineer through the years – from left: My sister and I on Halloween circa age 9 for me, 6 for her (she later shed all that fur); me playing in the West Virginia University Marching Band at age 20; your intrepid blogger at home in Sydney on the cusp of 30.

    Tomorrow I turn 30 and it has me thinking some thoughts, man.

    This occasion means I’ve lived 10,950 days, which is kind of a mind-boggling number that is a lot more fun if you think of days as jelly beans. If I draw out a perfectly average lifespan, I’m 37% of the way there.

    Which is not to say that I’m in a hurry about this.

    Over the course of all those jelly beans I’ve stumbled across some valuable ideas. Some of these were gleaned from personal experience and some are truths passed on by others. Some have stuck with me from past successes and some were derived from failures. I jotted a few down over the course of the past week and surprised myself when I tried to recall the genesis of a few that – for better or worse – have stuck with me to this day. More than a handful of these ideas, thoughts, lessons, values, affirmations (I’ve included a bit of each!) go all the way back to my early childhood but are still relevant to my everyday life. Brainstorming this post turned out to be an interesting way to celebrate the big three-oh.

    In no particular order, here are the notions most relevant to me as I turn 30:

    Do things for yourself first

    I’ll go a touch meta with this one and use this blog as an example. I’ve just started, so my readership is not what you might call “substantial”. But I’m writing this because I derive a great amount of satisfaction from doing so. I like personal development. I like writing. I like web design. I like taking photos of pillows named Rupert. This blog can never be a failure because I’m doing it for myself first and by sticking true to that idea I hope that it will come to empower others. It leads into…

    Take something seriously and it will pay you back

    I would suggest you start by taking yourself seriously. After all, if you don’t take yourself seriously, why would anybody else?

    By taking your passions seriously, you’re breathing undeniable life into them that other people will be drawn and connected to. If you write, you’re a writer – own it, live it and get to work. Others will respond.

    Don’t be an asshole

    It seems simple enough, but so many people get this wrong. It’s not even about being over-the-top nice to everybody you encounter, it’s just about not being a jerk. If you can make it through life sticking to this rule, you’re doing well.

    Serve others

    Your actions often have consequences for other people, so it stands to reason that those people should be more than a passing consideration of yours. Having a little social awareness will go a long way and seeing as most people are too busy looking at their phone to be aware of themselves, it’s becoming a bit of a lost art. This is less about random acts of kindness, volunteerism and charity (although you can feel free to go that far if you’re able) and more about being a good citizen; a member of a community. Be aware of your environment and strive to make it better for the people who share it with you. It’s a certain kind of heroism that we’re all capable of achieving.

    Listen

    As in, really listen – don’t just listen for your cue to speak again. It’s called ‘active listening’ and is something I’ll be exploring in later blog posts. Listen between the lines, ask intelligent questions about what the other person is telling you about. They’ve taken the time to explain it to you so the least you can do is attempt to get the message as purely as you possibly can. You’ll probably learn something in the process and you’ll find that people have a lot more time for you in the long run. Good listeners beget people who will want to listen to them in return.

    Lessons come from unexpected places

    Some of the ideas I’m sharing on ToVa come from truly unusual sources, including webcomics, sports, and movies. None of these are typical destinations for those seeking actualization but if I had not had enough presence to distill lessons from them I would have missed out on some truly valuable gems. To this end, I don’t understand the phrase “turn off my brain” when it comes to relaxing. If I don’t need my brain to enjoy this activity, why am I doing it in the first place?

    Unselfishly consider the lives of others

    We’ve all been told to walk a mile in another person’s shoes before passing any judgement but here’s the thing: our limited perspective of another person’s reality is far from perfect. How can we possibly know everything that is going on in somebody’s life – even those closest to us? My fiancée and I know each other better than we know anybody else and yet we occasionally surprise each other. I can never know everything going on her head (and she’s probably OK with that).

    My own take on this is just to be less selfish in our consideration of others. Everybody has a lot going on and you can never understand all of it. Who are you to say what kind of actions are ‘out of character’ for somebody else? Help to the fullest extent of your capacity, but respect that there are forces at work here that have nothing to do with you. If the other person wants you to have a better understanding, they will let you know.

    Give second chances

    Following from the above notion, give people as long of a rope as possible. I have been criticized for giving people too many chances in the past but I would have missed out on some truly valuable friendships if I were in the habit of cutting people off at the first sign of trouble. We’re all (presumably) doing our best, so be willing to cut people some slack.

    The ‘Golden Rule’ is not a system of justice

    We’ve all heard it: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s solid advice, as long as you stay true to the intent and meaning. Unfortunately, a fair amount of people take this phrase to mean ‘an eye for an eye’ when it actually means exactly what it says: be good to people just like you’d want them to be good to you. It doesn’t say “be good to people who are good to you” and definitely doesn’t suggest you can be bad to people who are not good to you.

    This is about being the bigger person in all instances. Do the right thing because it’s the right thing, not because you anticipate it will earn you a reward. If your efforts are met with disregard or a lack of appreciation, that doesn’t change anything – you would still want others to do good upon you, so that’s what you have to keep doing unto them. See also: “don’t be an asshole.”

    It is only possible to live in the present

    This idea comes from the philosophy of Alan Watts and has significantly reduced my overall level of anxiety since I first happened upon it late last year. My own take as I’m about to explain it is a bit reductive, but powerful all the same.

    Our lives and actions are only ever occurring in the present moment. We can think back on the past and access our memories, but doing so is a ‘present’ activity. We can likewise attempt to forecast the future based on our comparisons of the past to the present (or by any other means) but the future isn’t real until it becomes the present. It gives real teeth to the idea of leaving the past in the past. The past is only relevant if you actively access it and so you can utterly block it out by just not thinking about it.

    The notion of the future not being real is the part that really did the trick for me, though, by allowing me to construct appropriate expectations rather than constantly getting my hopes up or feeling as though things wouldn’t work out just the way I would like them to. By remembering that there are infinite futures that could possibly become our present it’s pretty easy to tame your expectations. All I have to work with is the present and while I’ll keep trying to make it as great as I possibly can, it might not work out sometimes.

    But then I can just leave it in the past and keep plugging away.

    Love is a thing

    Truly. It wasn’t what I thought it would be, but here it is all the same and it’s even better than I thought it would be.

    Read

    Read everything – all of it. Fiction. Non-fiction. I’m usually working through one book of each at any one time. Interact with it – jot notes in the margins, highlight passages you like. Pull the book off the shelf a few years later and review your notes or – better yet – read it again if the mood strikes. The benefits are too many to get into here (don’t worry – I will get into it in the future) but just know that you’ll never regret skipping a third marathon of House of Cards in favor of a little reading.

    It’s not even cheating to count this blog post.

    Sports are beautiful

    A not insignificant amount of my time and attention is devoted to sports, though almost none of that time is dedicated to the actual playing of a sport; I’m mostly a spectator. I think often about how strange it is that myself and thousands of others become emotionally involved in something over which we have virtually no control. Even the outcomes are – in the grand scheme of things – rather meaningless. What reflection does it have on me when one of my teams win? It doesn’t make me a better person any more than a loss makes me less of a person. So why do we care so much?

    I found my own personal answer in a rather obscure place (remember when I said lessons come from unexpected places?): the New York Times review of The Great American Novel by Philip Roth. The review ran in 1973 and was written by Thomas R. Edwards, who offered this notion:

    For thinking men, non-performers, sports offers a tempting glimpse of grace, of the merging of self into pure and formal function.

    For me personally, this hits the nail squarely on the head and adding team-specific context only deepens my connection to my teams. I am a West Virginia University alumnus but my fandom of the university sports teams can be traced back to birth and is wrapped up in my being raised in West Virginia. I further deepened my connection by participating in the marching band during my four years there. My love of the Tampa Bay Rays sprung up when I was living in Orlando and has as much to do for how management runs the team as it has to do with the players on the field (Evan Longoria is a beast!). After moving to Australia I fell in love with rugby league rather quickly and I latched onto the Sydney Roosters just as fast. They were out of contention for a few years but managed to make a run to the premiership last year, which gave me my first true connection to Australia that was all my own.

    Sport is a part of my life for at least the reasoning offered by Edwards, but it sticks around for reasons that are a bit more personal and keep the excitement levels high.

    Never forget where you come from

    Being born and raised in West Virginia is an important part of my identity and character. I’m proud of this heritage because of the things I associate with being a Mountaineer: trustworthiness, honesty, resilience, determination, sacrifice, friendliness and a connection to nature. I left the state at age 22 but my connection to those rolling hills is as strong as ever – even though I now live about as far away from them as I possibly could. I’ll be a Mountaineer until I die.

    Montani Semper Liberi

    “Mountaineers (are) always free.”


    Thanks for reading – see you in my thirties!


  • ToVa Weekend: Passwords As Mantras, Travel, Being Compelling

    Rupert is reading The Postman Always Rings Twice

    The weekend is here! Escape boredom over the weekend by finding a clever use of your password, reading over a few tips for short business trips and considering what characteristics make people compelling.


    How a password changed my life. (via)

    Here’s a touching story to go along with a clever idea for taking something mundane – any of the passwords you must type repeatedly during your day – and making it something significant. Simply using passwords as reminders (to forgive, to save) or mantras (quit smoking, don’t drink) changed Mauricio Estrella’s life and could change yours, too.


    The Busy Professional’s Guide to a One-Day Business Trip

    This one is pretty specific but the advice on offer is also great travel wisdom in general. Traveling light is key, but so is preparedness. It can be tempting to be a bit too casual about short trips but they actually require the most forethought – especially since you might end up stranded in an airport with no change of clothes!


    A Throwback Link Relevant To Our Interests…

    What Makes People Compelling

    This article seemed like a great way to conclude our week of self-defining and introspection. If strength and warmth are part and parcel of your character you will find people drawn to you in a meaningful way. Possessing and displaying one but not the other isn’t quite enough and executing both at the same time is definitely a challenge. Fortunately, the ultimate reward – the respect and trust of your peers – is totally worth the effort.


    ToVa Rewind:
    Define Yo Self Before You Refine Yo Self
    You Control Your Own Reality


    Rupert is reading: The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M. Cain


    Have a great weekend!


  • You Control Your Own Reality

    The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

    The professional cannot allow the actions of others to define his reality.

    This quote appears in The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It’s a must-own for creatives especially but will inspire anybody looking for some motivation. Slowly Pressfield explores the causes of creative resistance before urging you to “turn pro” and then guiding you through some pretty heady self-actualizing pondering. I can’t recommend the book enough and you’ll see Pressfield mentioned often on this blog and other personal development sites (in fact, an entry on his blog was a weekend reading suggestion of mine just last week). His ideas make sense and if his calls to action don’t mobilize you then, well, you may not have a pulse.

    The quote of the moment falls in line with our Monday discussion about defining yourself. Once you’ve figured out who you are and what you want to be (and do), one of the hardest obstacles to overcome will be other people. In the age of social media and instant feedback (you could go to the comments right now and tell me how you feel about this article) everybody is a critic and some are less thoughtful about it than others.

    Pressfield presents this quote after a story about Tiger Woods being distracted by a camera flash while playing in The Masters during his prime. Woods calmly stopped his swing, collected himself and drove the ball a mile down the fairway. Maybe the flash was a mistake, maybe it was intentional – but the reason wasn’t relevant to Woods and his reaction reflected that. The professional didn’t allow the action of another to enter the equation of his own success. Woods went on to win the tournament.

    How often in the course of your day do the actions of another person threaten to derail your day? Or week? Or career? Are you willing to cede that kind of control to other people? Jerks and critics will come and go but – as Pressfield says – you will have to continue to show up or else you’ll never realize your dreams. Others only have the control that you grant them, so be very careful about who you give that kind of power to.

    The next time somebody threatens to derail you – whether by accident or on purpose – remember that the only actions you can control absolutely are your own.

    Reset the mechanism and go about your business.


  • Define Yo Self Before You Refine Yo Self

    Rupert is defining himself quite literally.

    Defining yourself is the critical first step in establishing an ongoing and intentional program of personal development. Even if you consider yourself to be pretty self-aware, a little reflection might yield surprising results. If you fail to take the time to get this definition right you may find yourself swimming against the current in order to get somewhere you don’t actually want to be.

    You are complicated. I’m not saying this because I’ve seen your Facebook statuses about your ex, I’m saying it because who among us is so simple? Add external forces to the mix and you’re talking about a cocktail of personality that is rather difficult to reverse-engineer.

    But we’re going to try.

    Your Inherent Nature (And Nurture) Sets The Scene

    If I asked you to define yourself before we go any further, you would probably go straight for your hardwired traits:

    • Intro/Ambi/Extrovert
    • Shy versus outgoing
    • Type A or B personality
    • Creative or technical mind
    • Early riser or night owl

    Our brains are all wired differently and I’m sure you can pick one of the options on each of the above lines that describes how the synapses in your own brain fire.

    It’s important to understand these inherent elements of our personality because they are essentially permanent and incredibly difficult to overcome. Shy people can learn how to work a room, sure, but while working said room they will be fighting against their very chemistry and creating a cognitive dissonance that might lead to anxiety. Owners of a Type A personality can take a vacation like the rest of us but they may never be able to fully relax on that beach. Creatives have no time for trigonometry, night owls think the ‘sunrise’ is a fairy tale, etc., etc.

    Nurture also plays a significant role in the equation. My girl was born and raised in a city while I grew up in a rural area. The characteristics that were ingrained in our personalities as a result of these differing circumstances mean that we sometimes look at the same scenario in very different ways. Single children will have differing worldviews to those who grew up with siblings. Guys who had an older sister will grow up to be quite different than those who had a younger sister. The prism through which you develop your worldview will have a not insignificant impact on your personality. Even if the effect is subtle, it’s there.

    By understanding where you stand against all of these measures you can design your own development and steer yourself in the direction of a destination that will please your inner nature (and nurture).

    Understand How You Want To Be You

    I assume you have goals (you are reading a personal development blog, after all) but there are any number of avenues by which you might pursue those goals. Type A and B personalities again come into play with this concept. Type A are always on the go (hello, mobile readers!) and don’t sit still for too long before getting on with multitasking, while Type B are more laid back and happy to take things one at a time (hello, read-it-later gang!).

    This whole Type A/B idea is more of a theory than a hard and fast choosing of sides but it’s a good place to start when considering the manner in which you’d like to move ahead with your personal development. Do you prefer gold stars and rapid achievement or does slow and steady win the race for you?

    Context Changes More Than Just The Scenery

    However straightforward the core you may be, things get complicated when you consider the different contexts in which we all must operate at different times. When alone in your living room, I imagine it’s pretty easy to be you – but what about when you’re in any of these places:

    • Work
    • School
    • A family dinner
    • A friend’s birthday party
    • On the train

    I’m guessing that your behavior would vary across these different contexts. For example, our work self is not the same person that has dinner with our parents. The contexts can get even more specific still; the you that rides the train to work probably doesn’t chant and sing like the you that rides the train to a football game.

    If it all seems a bit two-faced (or five-faced, even) I guess that’s because… it is. But in this instance you’re not only allowed to get away with it, society would rather you get away with it. Ever had a boss that engaged in overshare about his sexual exploits? That’s an example of somebody who can’t keep his contextual selves within their appropriate contexts. Don’t be that guy – nobody likes that guy.

    There are many behaviors and traits that are appreciated across all contexts (like punctuality and patience), so this is naturally where you want to start. It only makes sense to allocate time to the areas that will yield the greatest harvest. However, once these universal traits have been addressed you can really get to work on maximizing each of your contextual selves. Learning to cook a dish isn’t going to advance your career but it’ll impress the hell out of your parents. Likewise, brushing up on your Excel skills will do wonders for your work self but won’t hold the attention of your girlfriend (spoken from experience).

    Sometimes The Context Gets Official

    Throughout your life you will encounter – and probably align yourself with – any number of organizations. These could include alumni associations, trade unions, social clubs, fraternities or even mastermind groups.

    I’ll dedicate more digital ink to associations and organizations in the future but they’re important to consider now and in the context of you because it is you who actively chooses to join them and the act of forming this association with an organization – whether passively or directly – reflects on you.

    Choosing to join Boy Scouts of America, for instance, is a direct, opt-in decision that implies your own values and beliefs align with those of BSA – otherwise you wouldn’t have signed up. Choosing to attend a particular university, on the other hand, is rather passive and suggests value alignment that may not be present. You might have attended a Catholic university because their chemistry program is tops, but people may assume that you’re Catholic (and thereby live by Catholic values) as a result of your decision to attend school there, even if that was never a factor that you considered.

    Whether directly or passively, these associations become part of the definition of you.

    And Oh, The Things You’ll Do

    The wild thing about all of this is that we’ve considered so much of what makes you you and we have only just scraped the surface of the actual things you get up to while being you. All of the activities in which you engage will speak volumes about you (actions speaking louder than words and that). Think about your high school friends who went to work and those who went to college. I’ve biased the result a bit by framing the exercise in this way but that fact – whether they studied or not – is probably a factor in your own impression of those people but all they’ve really done differently to each other is pursue different activities.

    Think about car decals. When you see stick figure families on the back of a car, you assume (without knowing anything else about that person!) that they are all about their family. Somebody with “26.2” on their car has run a marathon and – you’d be safe assuming – would include “running” in their own definition of self.

    What activities would be included in your own definition of self? What stickers are on your metaphorical back car window?

    • Education?
    • Cooking?
    • Photography?
    • Writing?

    Now – what are some activities in which you engage that would not be included in your definition of self?

    • Drinking a liter of soda everyday?
    • Watching three hours of TV every night?
    • Spending (a lot of) company time on Facebook?
    • Eating fast food instead of preparing a fresh meal at home?

    Nobody would ever know you were doing these things unless you told them – but you don’t tell them, do you?

    And Now We Get Real

    You don’t share these naughty activities because you’re not proud of them and you continue to engage in them because nobody is calling you out on being so naughty. It’s exactly the vicious cycle that it appears to be and you probably wouldn’t define yourself by these less desirable activities. Unfortunately, it’s still a part of your definition of self, even if it’s not a public part.

    Your definition of self is about what you do more than what you think or say. The self-described “healthy eater” can’t have his cake and eat it, too.

    Defining yourself, then, helps you to clarify your priorities and make better decisions for your own development. So here’s your new mental filter: what if everything you do were included in your definition of self.

    Thinking of grabbing another soda? You’d have to add it to the definition.

    Feel like another House of Cards marathon? Add it.

    Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying you have to drop all soda and TV. I’m merely suggesting that you should consider the outcome of such activities. It’s possible to enjoy our vices without allowing them to define us.

    For a long time I had a terrible habit of drinking too much cola. Three cans a day – often more – and virtually no water. I knew this was not healthy and it slowly came to define me. It haunted me. It made me feel bad but I kept drinking cola at the same rate, anyway. And then one day I decided I had had enough of doing what was easy. I wasn’t going to let this habit become part and parcel of my character.

    I had to trick myself. I stopped keeping cola in the fridge and didn’t keep any ice on hand, so I had to plan ahead if I wanted one and usually the fact that I couldn’t have a can immediately was enough to make me get a glass of water instead. I got down to one can a day – still not great, but my water intake was up to at least 2 liters a day (the average adult male needs 3 liters a day).

    By the time I got to this stage I noticed that I was craving the flavor of the cola again. It had been some time since I had a conscious desire to drink a can rather than just grabbing one because I was thirsty and water was “lame”. So I went a step further and stopped keeping cola in the house. Now I might have two cans over the course of a week – almost always with a meal – and I regularly get my 3 liters of water a day. The cola has gone from my dirty little (not so) secret habit to an occasional treat that I really enjoy when the craving strikes.

    The point of this story is that I didn’t cut cola completely – I still get to have one here and there and now it tastes even better when I do – but my cola drinking habit no longer defines me. I’m no longer the guy who drinks too much cola – I’m the guy who is always hydrated.

    I would recommend you start framing your own definition of self in this way. Start with “I’m the person who….” and follow that up with “I’m not the person who…” in order to filter out undesirable activities. Use of this positive and negative language will enable greater clarity in your developmental decision-making.

    Only by knowing what you presently are (and are not) can you move confidently in the direction of positive and intentional personal development.


  • ToVa Weekend: Entrepreneurship, Resistance, Rudeness

    Rupert is reading 'Everything Matters!'

    The weekend is here at last! As always, here is your roundup of the best of the week that was. This week: unleash your inner entrepreneur within the bureaucracy of your company, beware of creative resistance from within and learn to handle the worst behavior on the part of others.


    Channel Your Inner Entrepreneur to Excel at Work

    This is fantastic – one of the best career-advancement pieces I’ve seen in a few months. Lauren Berger shows you how to be an entrepreneur within a large company and the insights are invaluable, especially for those in Gen Y and Z who don’t see how their creative energies can be appreciated by the corporate machine. Tips like mastering your day job and being informed seem straightforward but they also tend to be the first things to slip and – as Berger points out – who’s going to take you and your ideas seriously when you can’t get your everyday duties right? Other pointers, like considering the view of your boss and his or her allies, round out a great article that will help you see yourself as something more than just another cog in the machine.


    Why, #1

    Steven Pressfield pauses to consider why he is writing his blog and why anybody would be reading it. It’s the first in what will become a series of posts and his ideas seem to mirror my own in many ways. Central to his thesis is the phrase “the rightful lord and owner of his own person”, which is taken from an oration delivered by Pericles in ancient Athens. Pressfield dives deep here, determining that this idea of autonomy relates to freedom from resistance both external and internal, making self-actualization the ultimate goal. It resonated with me because the ideas correlate with my aim for this website. It’ll resonate with you because it will remind you of your freedom to act.


    How to Deal With Other People’s Rude Behavior

    Do you know a few people who have irritating habits? A coworker who chews with their mouth open or a friend who helps themselves to bites of your dinner? You may have a social allergy, according to Dr. Michael Cunningham. He suggests that such behaviors fall into four categories according to how impersonal/personal and unintentional/intentional the behaviour is. As with most cases involving the behavior of others, though, the problem (and solution) might come back to your own attitude.


    ToVa Rewind:
    Welcome to Toward Vandalia!
    Jellybeans Illustrate The Importance Of Maximizing Our Lives


    Rupert and I are reading: Everything Matters! by Ron Currie, Jr.


    Have a great weekend!


  • Jellybeans Illustrate The Importance Of Maximizing Our Lives

    How do you spend your time?

    There are many demands on our time these days and those demands only seem to be increasing in terms of both quantity and intensity. The Time You Have Left (In Jellybeans) by Ze Frank takes an interesting approach to breaking down how the average American will use their limited time: 28,835 jellybeans are used (one bean is one day) to illustrate your life and put your time in perspective. Slowly beans (and your living days) are raked away, destined to be spent sleeping, working, eating, traveling, cleaning the house, cleaning yourself, engaging in civil responsibilities or planted in front of the television (where the average American will spend 2,676 days of their life, despite the fact that there have been only two seasons of House of Cards).

    In the end Frank concludes that you have 2,740 days all to yourself in which to pursue your passions – that’s less than ten percent of your entire life.

    Steal Back Beans And Make The Most Of The Beans You Have

    The takeaway here ties right into the thesis of Toward Vandalia – all of our time must be fully maximized! You’ll spend 3,202 days at work, so make sure you’re doing something you love or at least find some way to love what you’re doing. Prepare meals with loved ones to steal some precious moments. Take two minute showers to get even more beans back. Take public transport so travel time becomes leisure reading time. The numbers don’t lie, sure, but Frank has painted a picture of the average American and I’m betting you’re not interested in being merely average.

    As we move forward, I aim to help you steal back precious beans and ensure that you’re allocating them toward the most satisfying life you can imagine for yourself. In the end, though, the hard work will be left up to you.

    As Frank asks at the end of his video:

    What are you going to do today?